Tag Archives: college

Crossroads?

Hello. It’s been a while since my last post. I feel like I owe this blog so many stories about what’s happening in my life. Well, I do. There has been tons of blog-worthy events that have happened but to be honest, I have no idea why I was so lazy to write about them haha. Anyway, I’m writing now so, yeah.

I’m at a crossroads right now. Well, not really, because standing at a crossroads, I think, means that you have to choose between options that are already existing. In my case though, three of the options I should have been facing are pretty much not yet solid. The time I have been dreading for a year has come. The time when I would make the final decision as to what university should I really get into to pursue my studies. I already submitted my applications to UP Los Baños and UP Diliman, and I have yet to e-mail the ADMU dean for academic affairs regarding my intent for readmission.

If I were to very honestly answer the question “Where do you want to study?”, I would say “Of course, I still want to study and graduate from ADMU.” It was my dream school after all, and more than being my dream school, I saw how quality education is there. The type which when I graduate, I know I would really have a secure and promising future. The student life and culture there is also very interesting. It is unlike any school atmosphere I have ever encountered. So far from what it’s like in the provincial college where I am currently enrolled.

It has been over a year since I got dismissed, but up until now I still cannot forgive myself for throwing away whatever promising future I was supposed to have during my stay in the Ateneo. But also within that year, I proved to myself that I can do better. I focused all my attention to studying and indeed, I was able to show myself that if only I had the right attitude, I can perform to the standards of a university. I have realized the mistakes I have made in the past and I have learned so much from them. I am a better person and I just hope that I can convince the dean about this. I badly want to get readmitted.

But of course, nothing is ever certain. It is not sure whether I will pass the screening for UPLB and UPD, nor 100% positive that the dean from ADMU will give me another chance to prove that I am worthy to be studying there.

I stand at this road where at the end, is not really a crossroad, but a tangle of paths. I stand perplexed and afraid. Afraid that should the tangled paths blur more or worse, completely disappear, I would be trapped at this road which I don’t want to take. Scared that I would be stuck in a path where I know I wouldn’t grow to the fullest. Still, I have hope that the time when the tangled paths are smoothed will come. I have hope that I can travel the way in which I would be happiest and most contented.

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New theme!

I like the new look of my blog. It’s very me~ It’s pink and it has flowers and it’s pink and it’s feminine and weee it’s pink! Lol pink’s my favorite color, that’s why. Although, I can’t really say that I am very feminine. I just love the color pink. It’s so relaxing and fun at the same time *o*.

Anyway, I was originally choosing between this and this and this and this but ended up using the bouquet theme instead. I almost ended up with spectrum because it’s colorful yet simple and I like rainbows but bouquet appealed to me the most.

Okay why am I even talking about this lol no one cares why I chose a certain theme.

Just a quicky, though. I am done with most of the requirements for school. It’s already week 10, just two more weeks before Christmas vacation/term break. There’s just a couple of long exams to mind and then it would be finals week, and then yay I can finally sit back and relax and have my marathon of Korean dramas. I hope I get through second term well. Hopefully, I don’t drop off the honors list. Hehe.

I AM SO HIGH

Image

So hi this is how I make a draft of my research report lol. I reaaaaaally can’t think of anything to write yet. I mean, I have this like skeleton of my paper in my head but I can’t figure how to put flesh into it? I don’t know, my brain usually works at its best during 12AM onwards. I am basically just a walking amoeba during the day, my brain is empty and hollow haha. Argggh I am so frustrated right now I want to get this paper over so I can watch Heirs yet here I am procrastinating AGAIN and prioritizing blogging than finishing this damned research report.

I’ve got Ellie Goulding playing in the background, by the way. I have been singing ‘Burn’ nonstop for weeks and I figured why not listen to her album. ‘Halcyon Days’ is on loop for hours now. Guys Ellie Goulding’s music is dope! I don’t usually go for music of this genre but I don’t know there’s just something in her songs that kind of like sucks me in. Maybe this is why I can’t focus on writing my paper lol. I’m too engrossed in listening to her songs that my thoughts just kinda fly and dance away with the melodies. HAHAHA HA HA H A HA ………………. …… …………… . . . . ..

I am Master Procrastinator

I chose to write this entry over my never-ending pile of homework. Oh, I have a great sense of priority over the things in my life. Let’s see, what do I have in line…

  • cause-effect essay that is already three days late
  • first draft for the persuasive essay
  • twenty more note cards for my research report
  • eng research report (which i haven’t written a single word on)
  • polsci second long exam
  • algebra homework
  • lecture on waste management
  • photo project for polsci
  • interview for bill of rights for polsci
  • fil research report on jargons

So, yeah. I made the right decision to prioritize blogging over my nile-river-list of school stuff to do. I deserve to be applauded and cheered for, yep, because I am such a good stud- oh wait, because I am such an expert when it comes to procrastinating. See, this post does not even make any sense yet I don’t want to leave this because I don’t want to face reality yet /procrastinating/.

TANGINA I know I have to abandon the internet for a while so I can focus on studying BUT WHY. CAN’T. I. DO. THAT. NOW. FOR FUCK’S SAKE!! !! !!!!!

Please, I beg you all. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SLAP MY FACE HARD WITH A CHAIR AND A TABLE? That way maybe some sense may be knocked out of me.

I’m trapped.

It’s funny how I seem to be paralyzed by my passion for K-Pop. I don’t know if this “paralysation” of mine brings me good or bad but right now I’m not complaining. I’m saying that I’m “trapped” because most of the things I do has something to do with my interest in K-Pop or anything that has to do with Korea, to be honest. Even in my academics, K-Pop motivates me and inspires me to do well. I have done essays and research papers about Korea and its culture in the past. This term, I tried to deviate from this ‘pattern’ of mine and challenged myself to write a research paper about representations of homosexuals in contemporary media but I still ended up writing about K-Pop (I just couldn’t seem to muster up enough will to write about the former topic. As people say, it’s impossible to write about something that you are not passionate about ;)).

I have absolutely no idea when this obsession of mine will come to a halt, but I don’t think it will end soon. Right now, K-Pop is my one source of energy, it’s the one who fuels me to go on my daily life.