I’m trapped.

It’s funny how I seem to be paralyzed by my passion for K-Pop. I don’t know if this “paralysation” of mine brings me good or bad but right now I’m not complaining. I’m saying that I’m “trapped” because most of the things I do has something to do with my interest in K-Pop or anything that has to do with Korea, to be honest. Even in my academics, K-Pop motivates me and inspires me to do well. I have done essays and research papers about Korea and its culture in the past. This term, I tried to deviate from this ‘pattern’ of mine and challenged myself to write a research paper about representations of homosexuals in contemporary media but I still ended up writing about K-Pop (I just couldn’t seem to muster up enough will to write about the former topic. As people say, it’s impossible to write about something that you are not passionate about ;)).

I have absolutely no idea when this obsession of mine will come to a halt, but I don’t think it will end soon. Right now, K-Pop is my one source of energy, it’s the one who fuels me to go on my daily life.

Advertisements

Down

I made this blog because I badly needed to vent out this unpleasant feeling inside of me. Thank Shisus WordPress isn’t blocked on our web (my dad blocked A LOT of websites, which explains why I am here in this unfamiliar territory). It’s somehow a relief to still have a place where I can express myself. 

I am feeling so frustrated right now. There are so many things that are getting into my nerves I feel like I am going to burst into a bajillion pieces very soon. There’s my pile of homework due tomorrow, the research paper which I haven’t even started writing, exams and quizzes, and the project for CWTS012 (which I don’t really give a fuck about but it’s a bitch because I couldn’t just run away from it lest I want to be blacklisted from the honor roll). And then there’s also my father and his narrow mind, who blocked every fucking site I visit on the internet, thinking I prioritize my hobbies than my studies. Well, fuck? I wouldn’t be an honor student if I did that, would I? I hate my daddy for not trusting me. I hate myself for not explaining to him that I’m old enough to think for myself and to know what would be good for me and what would not be. 

I am upset. 

I am stressed over school work and the internet is my only hope to relieve me from this hell, but it seems like I don’t deserve to be happy, what with all my father is doing. I don’t understand what is going on through his mind. Does he think that I am not studying well? Isn’t my being a straight A student not enough to satisfy him? I have made mistakes in the past but look at me now, I learned from those mistakes and I have already made up for them. If he is still worried about me committing the same mistakes, I wouldn’t. Ugh why couldn’t he trust me? This matter is making me so frustrated. 

I understand my father’s intentions. I don’t think of him as the antagonist to the story of my life but really though, I just want to talk to him and make him realize that I’m a big girl now and that he needs to open his mind and that he can trust me and I won’t ever break his heart. But then that’s too tiring a job. My father wouldn’t just open his mind that easily. My mom couldn’t even make him do it. Everything is just too tiring and too frustrating right now. I just want to sleep all day and hope that I won’t have to face reality for a while. 

 

she might be very close by