Category Archives: Me

Personal thoughts, opinions, and random blabbering aka where I throw words when I am bored.

Hola!

It has been quite a while since my last post here. I primarily made this blog to have a record of what is going on with my life but obviously, I am failing in achieving that goal. For some reason I can’t quite put a finger on, I find blogging a bit obligatory. Weird, considering how much time I have spent on Twitter over the course of my four-month vacation. But maybe that’s why I rarely go here on WordPress. My thoughts for the past four months were basically just short flashes, which goes perfectly with how Twitter works. My brain has been dormant for a long period of time that my attention and cognition span has been reduced to a significant degree, like, maybe I am just on the amoeba level now. I’m just kidding. But really though. When you’ve spent your entire vacation just fangirling and obsessing over bands and tv shows there isn’t really much will to comprehensively write about your thoughts. You just go asjkdfhjkdfsadlkfh;jh ohmyugoodnesslordshisusjhsdkl idontevenknowanymore??? icant anymore ohmygodhasjdkhl on Twitter every two minutes. Or, I don’t know, maybe that’s just me. 

Anyhoo. What’s new?

Remember when I wrote about standing at a crossroad? I have finally found the path to take me out of that crisis. Damn this why do I even try to write metaphorically when I obviously suck big time ha. ha. My appeal for readmission to ADMU was rejected and I also didn’t make the cut to UP Diliman because of my below-sea-level grades from ADMU. It was heartbreaking but there wasn’t a need to sulk and mope because at least I wasn’t completely hopeless: I got into UPLB! I am again, for the third time, UGH, a college freshman. I got in the Communication Arts program and I am planning to major in writing when the time comes (whenever that is, but hopefully, very soon). It has only been two weeks since the semester started. There hasn’t been much work yet (as evident in me writing this blog entry) but I am expecting heavy school work in the weeks to come. I am scared but I am also thrilled. The academic environment at UPLB is very different from what I got used to at MCL but I am convincing myself that I can survive and cope well. 

By the way, I made another WordPress account. I know what you’re thinking right now. I couldn’t even maintain this one and yet I had the guts to construct another blog site. But that other one’s a requirement for my IT1 class. I guess I should be thankful we have that requirement since I would more likely visit WP hence me possibly posting more entries here haha. Anyway, if you want to check out my IT1 blog, click here

I guess that would be all for this post. It’s already 11:25 PM and I have to sleep now lest I want to wake up late and be late for my classes tomorrow. Hasta luego!

I stumbled upon his blog, again. Okay, maybe stumbled is not really the right word. I visited his blog again. I have no idea why I keep on doing that. It has been months since he last updated. I am so hungry to know about what is going on with his life. We rarely talk now. We have not seen each other for like, almost a year. But is it not funny how I still care so much about him, how I am still longing to be with him even if it is very obvious that that is impossible? Sigh. I don’t understand love at all, if this is even love. 

New theme!

I like the new look of my blog. It’s very me~ It’s pink and it has flowers and it’s pink and it’s feminine and weee it’s pink! Lol pink’s my favorite color, that’s why. Although, I can’t really say that I am very feminine. I just love the color pink. It’s so relaxing and fun at the same time *o*.

Anyway, I was originally choosing between this and this and this and this but ended up using the bouquet theme instead. I almost ended up with spectrum because it’s colorful yet simple and I like rainbows but bouquet appealed to me the most.

Okay why am I even talking about this lol no one cares why I chose a certain theme.

Just a quicky, though. I am done with most of the requirements for school. It’s already week 10, just two more weeks before Christmas vacation/term break. There’s just a couple of long exams to mind and then it would be finals week, and then yay I can finally sit back and relax and have my marathon of Korean dramas. I hope I get through second term well. Hopefully, I don’t drop off the honors list. Hehe.

I’m trapped.

It’s funny how I seem to be paralyzed by my passion for K-Pop. I don’t know if this “paralysation” of mine brings me good or bad but right now I’m not complaining. I’m saying that I’m “trapped” because most of the things I do has something to do with my interest in K-Pop or anything that has to do with Korea, to be honest. Even in my academics, K-Pop motivates me and inspires me to do well. I have done essays and research papers about Korea and its culture in the past. This term, I tried to deviate from this ‘pattern’ of mine and challenged myself to write a research paper about representations of homosexuals in contemporary media but I still ended up writing about K-Pop (I just couldn’t seem to muster up enough will to write about the former topic. As people say, it’s impossible to write about something that you are not passionate about ;)).

I have absolutely no idea when this obsession of mine will come to a halt, but I don’t think it will end soon. Right now, K-Pop is my one source of energy, it’s the one who fuels me to go on my daily life.

Down

I made this blog because I badly needed to vent out this unpleasant feeling inside of me. Thank Shisus WordPress isn’t blocked on our web (my dad blocked A LOT of websites, which explains why I am here in this unfamiliar territory). It’s somehow a relief to still have a place where I can express myself. 

I am feeling so frustrated right now. There are so many things that are getting into my nerves I feel like I am going to burst into a bajillion pieces very soon. There’s my pile of homework due tomorrow, the research paper which I haven’t even started writing, exams and quizzes, and the project for CWTS012 (which I don’t really give a fuck about but it’s a bitch because I couldn’t just run away from it lest I want to be blacklisted from the honor roll). And then there’s also my father and his narrow mind, who blocked every fucking site I visit on the internet, thinking I prioritize my hobbies than my studies. Well, fuck? I wouldn’t be an honor student if I did that, would I? I hate my daddy for not trusting me. I hate myself for not explaining to him that I’m old enough to think for myself and to know what would be good for me and what would not be. 

I am upset. 

I am stressed over school work and the internet is my only hope to relieve me from this hell, but it seems like I don’t deserve to be happy, what with all my father is doing. I don’t understand what is going on through his mind. Does he think that I am not studying well? Isn’t my being a straight A student not enough to satisfy him? I have made mistakes in the past but look at me now, I learned from those mistakes and I have already made up for them. If he is still worried about me committing the same mistakes, I wouldn’t. Ugh why couldn’t he trust me? This matter is making me so frustrated. 

I understand my father’s intentions. I don’t think of him as the antagonist to the story of my life but really though, I just want to talk to him and make him realize that I’m a big girl now and that he needs to open his mind and that he can trust me and I won’t ever break his heart. But then that’s too tiring a job. My father wouldn’t just open his mind that easily. My mom couldn’t even make him do it. Everything is just too tiring and too frustrating right now. I just want to sleep all day and hope that I won’t have to face reality for a while.