Down

I made this blog because I badly needed to vent out this unpleasant feeling inside of me. Thank Shisus WordPress isn’t blocked on our web (my dad blocked A LOT of websites, which explains why I am here in this unfamiliar territory). It’s somehow a relief to still have a place where I can express myself. 

I am feeling so frustrated right now. There are so many things that are getting into my nerves I feel like I am going to burst into a bajillion pieces very soon. There’s my pile of homework due tomorrow, the research paper which I haven’t even started writing, exams and quizzes, and the project for CWTS012 (which I don’t really give a fuck about but it’s a bitch because I couldn’t just run away from it lest I want to be blacklisted from the honor roll). And then there’s also my father and his narrow mind, who blocked every fucking site I visit on the internet, thinking I prioritize my hobbies than my studies. Well, fuck? I wouldn’t be an honor student if I did that, would I? I hate my daddy for not trusting me. I hate myself for not explaining to him that I’m old enough to think for myself and to know what would be good for me and what would not be. 

I am upset. 

I am stressed over school work and the internet is my only hope to relieve me from this hell, but it seems like I don’t deserve to be happy, what with all my father is doing. I don’t understand what is going on through his mind. Does he think that I am not studying well? Isn’t my being a straight A student not enough to satisfy him? I have made mistakes in the past but look at me now, I learned from those mistakes and I have already made up for them. If he is still worried about me committing the same mistakes, I wouldn’t. Ugh why couldn’t he trust me? This matter is making me so frustrated. 

I understand my father’s intentions. I don’t think of him as the antagonist to the story of my life but really though, I just want to talk to him and make him realize that I’m a big girl now and that he needs to open his mind and that he can trust me and I won’t ever break his heart. But then that’s too tiring a job. My father wouldn’t just open his mind that easily. My mom couldn’t even make him do it. Everything is just too tiring and too frustrating right now. I just want to sleep all day and hope that I won’t have to face reality for a while. 

 

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