Hola!

It has been quite a while since my last post here. I primarily made this blog to have a record of what is going on with my life but obviously, I am failing in achieving that goal. For some reason I can’t quite put a finger on, I find blogging a bit obligatory. Weird, considering how much time I have spent on Twitter over the course of my four-month vacation. But maybe that’s why I rarely go here on WordPress. My thoughts for the past four months were basically just short flashes, which goes perfectly with how Twitter works. My brain has been dormant for a long period of time that my attention and cognition span has been reduced to a significant degree, like, maybe I am just on the amoeba level now. I’m just kidding. But really though. When you’ve spent your entire vacation just fangirling and obsessing over bands and tv shows there isn’t really much will to comprehensively write about your thoughts. You just go asjkdfhjkdfsadlkfh;jh ohmyugoodnesslordshisusjhsdkl idontevenknowanymore??? icant anymore ohmygodhasjdkhl on Twitter every two minutes. Or, I don’t know, maybe that’s just me. 

Anyhoo. What’s new?

Remember when I wrote about standing at a crossroad? I have finally found the path to take me out of that crisis. Damn this why do I even try to write metaphorically when I obviously suck big time ha. ha. My appeal for readmission to ADMU was rejected and I also didn’t make the cut to UP Diliman because of my below-sea-level grades from ADMU. It was heartbreaking but there wasn’t a need to sulk and mope because at least I wasn’t completely hopeless: I got into UPLB! I am again, for the third time, UGH, a college freshman. I got in the Communication Arts program and I am planning to major in writing when the time comes (whenever that is, but hopefully, very soon). It has only been two weeks since the semester started. There hasn’t been much work yet (as evident in me writing this blog entry) but I am expecting heavy school work in the weeks to come. I am scared but I am also thrilled. The academic environment at UPLB is very different from what I got used to at MCL but I am convincing myself that I can survive and cope well. 

By the way, I made another WordPress account. I know what you’re thinking right now. I couldn’t even maintain this one and yet I had the guts to construct another blog site. But that other one’s a requirement for my IT1 class. I guess I should be thankful we have that requirement since I would more likely visit WP hence me possibly posting more entries here haha. Anyway, if you want to check out my IT1 blog, click here

I guess that would be all for this post. It’s already 11:25 PM and I have to sleep now lest I want to wake up late and be late for my classes tomorrow. Hasta luego!

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Crossroads?

Hello. It’s been a while since my last post. I feel like I owe this blog so many stories about what’s happening in my life. Well, I do. There has been tons of blog-worthy events that have happened but to be honest, I have no idea why I was so lazy to write about them haha. Anyway, I’m writing now so, yeah.

I’m at a crossroads right now. Well, not really, because standing at a crossroads, I think, means that you have to choose between options that are already existing. In my case though, three of the options I should have been facing are pretty much not yet solid. The time I have been dreading for a year has come. The time when I would make the final decision as to what university should I really get into to pursue my studies. I already submitted my applications to UP Los Baños and UP Diliman, and I have yet to e-mail the ADMU dean for academic affairs regarding my intent for readmission.

If I were to very honestly answer the question “Where do you want to study?”, I would say “Of course, I still want to study and graduate from ADMU.” It was my dream school after all, and more than being my dream school, I saw how quality education is there. The type which when I graduate, I know I would really have a secure and promising future. The student life and culture there is also very interesting. It is unlike any school atmosphere I have ever encountered. So far from what it’s like in the provincial college where I am currently enrolled.

It has been over a year since I got dismissed, but up until now I still cannot forgive myself for throwing away whatever promising future I was supposed to have during my stay in the Ateneo. But also within that year, I proved to myself that I can do better. I focused all my attention to studying and indeed, I was able to show myself that if only I had the right attitude, I can perform to the standards of a university. I have realized the mistakes I have made in the past and I have learned so much from them. I am a better person and I just hope that I can convince the dean about this. I badly want to get readmitted.

But of course, nothing is ever certain. It is not sure whether I will pass the screening for UPLB and UPD, nor 100% positive that the dean from ADMU will give me another chance to prove that I am worthy to be studying there.

I stand at this road where at the end, is not really a crossroad, but a tangle of paths. I stand perplexed and afraid. Afraid that should the tangled paths blur more or worse, completely disappear, I would be trapped at this road which I don’t want to take. Scared that I would be stuck in a path where I know I wouldn’t grow to the fullest. Still, I have hope that the time when the tangled paths are smoothed will come. I have hope that I can travel the way in which I would be happiest and most contented.

I stumbled upon his blog, again. Okay, maybe stumbled is not really the right word. I visited his blog again. I have no idea why I keep on doing that. It has been months since he last updated. I am so hungry to know about what is going on with his life. We rarely talk now. We have not seen each other for like, almost a year. But is it not funny how I still care so much about him, how I am still longing to be with him even if it is very obvious that that is impossible? Sigh. I don’t understand love at all, if this is even love. 

New theme!

I like the new look of my blog. It’s very me~ It’s pink and it has flowers and it’s pink and it’s feminine and weee it’s pink! Lol pink’s my favorite color, that’s why. Although, I can’t really say that I am very feminine. I just love the color pink. It’s so relaxing and fun at the same time *o*.

Anyway, I was originally choosing between this and this and this and this but ended up using the bouquet theme instead. I almost ended up with spectrum because it’s colorful yet simple and I like rainbows but bouquet appealed to me the most.

Okay why am I even talking about this lol no one cares why I chose a certain theme.

Just a quicky, though. I am done with most of the requirements for school. It’s already week 10, just two more weeks before Christmas vacation/term break. There’s just a couple of long exams to mind and then it would be finals week, and then yay I can finally sit back and relax and have my marathon of Korean dramas. I hope I get through second term well. Hopefully, I don’t drop off the honors list. Hehe.

I AM SO HIGH

Image

So hi this is how I make a draft of my research report lol. I reaaaaaally can’t think of anything to write yet. I mean, I have this like skeleton of my paper in my head but I can’t figure how to put flesh into it? I don’t know, my brain usually works at its best during 12AM onwards. I am basically just a walking amoeba during the day, my brain is empty and hollow haha. Argggh I am so frustrated right now I want to get this paper over so I can watch Heirs yet here I am procrastinating AGAIN and prioritizing blogging than finishing this damned research report.

I’ve got Ellie Goulding playing in the background, by the way. I have been singing ‘Burn’ nonstop for weeks and I figured why not listen to her album. ‘Halcyon Days’ is on loop for hours now. Guys Ellie Goulding’s music is dope! I don’t usually go for music of this genre but I don’t know there’s just something in her songs that kind of like sucks me in. Maybe this is why I can’t focus on writing my paper lol. I’m too engrossed in listening to her songs that my thoughts just kinda fly and dance away with the melodies. HAHAHA HA HA H A HA ………………. …… …………… . . . . ..

I am Master Procrastinator

I chose to write this entry over my never-ending pile of homework. Oh, I have a great sense of priority over the things in my life. Let’s see, what do I have in line…

  • cause-effect essay that is already three days late
  • first draft for the persuasive essay
  • twenty more note cards for my research report
  • eng research report (which i haven’t written a single word on)
  • polsci second long exam
  • algebra homework
  • lecture on waste management
  • photo project for polsci
  • interview for bill of rights for polsci
  • fil research report on jargons

So, yeah. I made the right decision to prioritize blogging over my nile-river-list of school stuff to do. I deserve to be applauded and cheered for, yep, because I am such a good stud- oh wait, because I am such an expert when it comes to procrastinating. See, this post does not even make any sense yet I don’t want to leave this because I don’t want to face reality yet /procrastinating/.

TANGINA I know I have to abandon the internet for a while so I can focus on studying BUT WHY. CAN’T. I. DO. THAT. NOW. FOR FUCK’S SAKE!! !! !!!!!

Please, I beg you all. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SLAP MY FACE HARD WITH A CHAIR AND A TABLE? That way maybe some sense may be knocked out of me.

she might be very close by